Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Vampire Leopard Curse, or Just Ogledink Co-inky Dink?

Hans Ogledink, a Swedish archeologist working in Ethiopia, who spent 27 years dodging bandit lords, civil war, starving refugees, malaria, tse tse flies, and lack of funding, died today, just hours after he discovered a heretofore undisturbed tomb in a remote section of northern Ethiopia.

Ogledink's death is being ruled an accident after his dig tent was inexplicably struck by a gigantic chunk of frozen excrement from a passing airplane in the middle of the night. The Swedish researcher's tragic death, just 24 hours after opening a tomb that features a prominent life-sized hand-painted image of the savage, mysterious Vampire Leopard, is raising new questions and fears about the notorious Vampire Leopard Curse. Supersititous local workers are refusing to continue, and have temporarily covered the centuries-old tomb painting with a beach towel celebrating the Chicago Bull's 1996 NBA championship.

Ogledink, asked just yesterday by a visiting reporter from Der Spiegel about the discovery and its ramifications, had poo-pooed the curse, calling it "stupid", "infantile", and "not worthy of serious discussion". "There will be no curse," he went on. "Our workers wear masks and will not succumb to mysterious illnesses like in the past. The Vampire Leopard is just an animal, like any other. I will prove it. When this dig is completed, I will eat a giant Vampire Leopard steak dinner and wear a Vampire Leopard fur coat for a year, no matter what the weather."

Curse or not, he'll never have the chance. In honor of this sad, mysterious event, I've composed a simple haiku:

Anicent curse of gloom
Vampire Leopard eats the dead
and haunts the living

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