Thursday, October 21, 2010

Hump Backed Arctic Snake Dog Worshippers Arrested

A group of Hump Backed Arctic Snake Dog Worshippers were arrested in suburban Oslo yesterday after naked chanting, ritual sacrifice of both dogs and snakes, and a huge nearly out of control bonfire alarmed neighbors into phoning the police. The five Oslo teens, whose names were withheld, were arrested at 2:47 am as they danced naked around a raging bonfire made out of cardboard boxes, discarded Ikea furniture, and non-recyclable trash taken from suburban trash bins. The bonfire also included several mail boxes, a bird house, and the beginnings of a Christmas manger exhibit that was under construction in front of the local Christian community center. Neighbors were outraged.

"I don't know who these bloody pagan animal worshippers are, but I want them locked up and I want the key thrown away!", shouted local neighbor Sven Hortquist.

"The whole freakin' neighborhood smells like pampers and smoked meatballs. And seriously? Snake Dog worshipping? That went out with, like, Eric the Red," added 16 year old Gretchen Soorsgaard.

"Fortunately," an outraged Reverend Olaf Oostergard said with relief, "the sculpture of the baby Jesus was still in the basement of the Christian community center undergoing final touch-up. We bought the wrong color paint and his skin came out an odd emerald green color after the first coat. Otherwise our graven image of the baby lord would have burned to a crisp during that heinous, blasphemous, ritualistic, anarchistic, pagan pseudo-orgy. I know I shouldn't say this, being a religious leader and all, but I hope they rot in snake dog hell, wherever that is."

Coming on the heels of religious protests during the recent Hump Backed Arctic Snake Dog Day, both ecologists, politicians, and religious leaders now worry that this recent event might lead to a Snake Dog backlash and violence. A number of national parks and ecological preserves have gone to red alert in expectation that angry Norwegianers might vent their outrage on this innocent, noble beast, which is still considered an endangered species. Security has also been significantly ramped up around the Church of the Hump Backed Arctic Snake Dog in Stockholm, Sweden - the only organized religion that still worships the Snake Dog as the avatar of a god.

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