I'm happy to report that I am back after my long expedition to the Canadian wilderness in search of exotic and unbelievably strange wildlife. I never meant my hiatus to be so long. The plan was a two-week expedition into the wilderness of the Yukon Penninsula in search of the the remarkably mysterious Giant Pimple Flea.
But disaster quickly struck. I inadvertently wandered off the trail and was abducted by a band of Canadian cannibals, who kept me locked in a tiny hut made out of human femurs for several months. Not impressed by my American passport or my research credentials, it was only my knowledge of the world's most unusual wildlife that saved me. Each night as they were putting the cauldron of hot water on the open fire, I spent hours describing one of the world's most unbelievably strange creatures. By the time I was done, it was so late that they decided to go without human flesh in favor of the less powerful beef or chicken, which, as it turns out, takes far less time to cook.
After several months of this unbelievable stress, the Canadian Mounties arrived and rescued me. I'm happy to be back in America, as you might imagine, and also happy to be reporting on a number of new unbelievably strange creatures that have come to my attention during my long recuperation from this incredibly stressful experience.
I hope you enjoy them.